They’ve been touring woolsheds doing dog comedy for more than a decade, and now Emma Newborn and Amelia Dunbar – aka The Bitches’ Box – are hitting the big smoke and making a movie.
If you like animals, out-there Kiwi comedy or, as the women say, you’re “just a bit strange” – this is for you. But, as Seven Sharp’s Rachel Parkin writes, prepare to lose your faculties – in a good way.
It was 6C, snow was on the ground, and two grown women were rolling in tussocks pretending to be dogs.
As cameraman Jason raced around trying to capture Newborn and Dunbar, I crossed my legs, held my stomach, and laughed.
This was The Bitches’ Box in its rural element.
“I mean, we all do it, right? Don’t we? Don’t we?” asked Dunbar. “I feel like everyone who has a dog puts that voice on, that persona.
“I think we’ve just taken it four or five steps further, and we’ve just gone right deep into how they talk, their back story, urges. Is it reverse-anthropomorphising? So, we ‘human’ the dog.”
The women have been “reverse-anthropomorphising” dogs for 12 years after an event in Auckland threw them together in 2011.
“So, it was like blind dating for creatives?” I asked.
“Exactly,” said Newborn.
Their grand idea – formed in that fateful 10-minute slot – was to make comedy around two female dogs on heat, confined to bitches’ boxes. For those who don’t know what they are, think Footroot Flats and that elevated kennel designed to keep frisky male dogs at bay.
“It became the punchline,” said Newborn. “So, we dressed up as these two women in cocktail dresses, talking about how we wanted to screw everything.”
“Ew! Rude!” interrupted Dunbar with mock indignation. “No, it was more about our desires.”
“And it grew from there,” remarked Newborn.
Did it ever.
Laughs and lightness
The newfound friends toured woolsheds around New Zealand for 12 years, bringing laughs and lightness to rural audiences typically forgotten.
“So, we’re most known for touring woolsheds because they’re these incredibly obvious performance spaces,” said Dunbar. “It’s just a great place to have a knees-up.”
When disaster struck, The Bitches’ Box was there too.
The duo teamed up with Farmstrong to bring their show to areas affected by Cyclone Gabrielle in February last year.
“We’ve worked with loads to take shows out to rural communities who need a laugh, and my goodness, they need it more than ever.
“We’ve had cyclone tours, earthquake tours… it’s horrible why we have to be there, but it is also amazing [to be there].”
And now the bestie bitches are making a movie. The trailer is a thing of fascinating, primal beauty where ridiculous dog characters abound.
There are Jack and Russell – the “protagonists” of the film.
“Can you work out what breed that is? I’ll leave you with that,” said Dunbar. “They are on the farm, but they don’t really have a function. Jack Russells generally don’t, but have very high opinions of their offerings to the world.
“So, these wee boys they get into mischief, have good fun, are great mates as brothers. But they’re quite rural,” she said, her voice going deeper and ‘farm-like.
“They’re still farm boys.”
Then there is “Coral” – a labrador who loves treats.
“Loooooves treats, very sexy,” said Newborn.
Shit-Shit and Zu-Zu (can you guess the breed?) who enjoy engineering expensive trips to the vet.
“Their whole thing is to cost their owners money,” said Dunbar.
“They’re little trash bags,” said Newborn.
And then, brace yourselves for “Zirconia”, the Doberman who incessantly pulls on her collar.
“She’s actually into BDSM,” said Newborn, nodding sagely.
“Wow,” was all I could muster.
Grumpy ram
This was comedy at its out-the-gate Kiwi best. The movie’s point of difference to the woolshed shows – other animals – but don’t worry, still very Kiwi. Yes, sheep.
“And [Kiwi comedian] Josh Thomson is the grumpy ram, who we adore,” said Newborn.
“Well cast!” I said.
“Yeah, well cast, he’s such a grump,” said Newborn, smiling.
The pair are thrilled with the movie but a tad frustrated. With 60% of it shot but money dry, they’re fundraising. The Bitches’ Box tour of Hamilton, Arrowtown, Hastings and Christchurch is their first foray into the “big smoke”.
“Normally, our dressing room is a Toyota Hilux or a penning-up pen, and there are sheep poos,” said Newborn. “So, it’s going to be real fancy to have some proper lights and a real stage.”
The Bitches’ Box is also running a pooch-themed PledgeMe campaign.
“Yeah, there’s loads of cool pledges,” said Dunbar. “We can get a picture of your dog in the movie for a small fee, and for 10 times that fee, we can put your cat in.”
Farming fanbase
The women are ever so grateful for their farming fanbase.
“We wouldn’t have been able to even start this venture without the 12 years of incredible support from around New Zealand of people coming to our shows in really, random remote places. It’s just been such a privilege.
“Now we want to make the movie to share with everyone,” said Dunbar.
“Is the world ready for The Bitches’ Box?” I asked.
“I think so. We need a laugh, don’t we? Man, we need a laugh. Times are tough; why not come along and see two gals jumping around?” asked Newborn.
“Humping stuff,” I ventured.
“Humping stuff, pooping in the grass,” said Newborn.
From a country with a proud history of eclectic comedy, why not get on board?
Or, in the words of the Bitches: “Please, get in behind!”
Be rude not to.
