One strategy for de-escalating conflict is to use food. Food lover and playwright Oscar Wilde observed this in A Woman of No Importance when he wrote “after a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s relations” and “the way to everyone’s heart is through their stomach”.
Sharing food signals vulnerability and trust-building. It gives a communal focus to the people at the table. It can shift the tone of the room, even through the small gesture of passing a condiment or filling another person’s glass.
From the high echelons of power-broking conducted at state banquets, to the humble “let’s go offsite for a coffee”, food plays a central role in negotiations.
According to a 2013 Harvard study, negotiation outcomes increased 12% when parties shared a meal. The study participants who ate together while negotiating — either at a restaurant or over food brought into a business conference room — created significantly increased profits compared with those who negotiated without dining.
For some of us, eating is a comfort, something we use to console ourselves when we are stressed. For others, it is merely fuel, something we use to help us power through during times of excessive effort.
Biologically speaking, when our blood sugar levels are low we do not think clearly and our emotions can be exaggerated. Also, the hormone responsible for building relationship and trust bonds, oxytocin, has been shown to increase when we eat.
Whether you choose to snack during a discussion, or take a break from a discussion to eat, the act of eating together will bring about these benefits. Eating is a participatory act in and of itself so just by eating, parties begin to participate in a process.
We have examples like this in our personal lives. The Australasian tradition of “bringing a plate” is grounded in the concept of sharing food. Manaakitanga is used to welcome people and build rapport. Hogmanay, the Lunar New Year, Eid al-Fitr and other cultural celebrations all have food at their heart.
So, why do we persist with mints at business meetings? Generative AI by Google tells me that “mints can be offered at meetings as a complimentary treat or to keep attendees fresh … they can impress attendees and add a touch of indulgence”. You can import vanilla-accented Glitterati mints from Italy or colourfully wrapped Rainbow mints from Oamaru (called “Compli-mints”).
If you come to a mediation with me, you won’t find such offerings. While a healthy meal will probably produce optimal results, I guarantee at least some Whittaker’s, and maybe a Fruit Burst to encourage people to take a break from talking.
• Kate Keddell is a mediator and workplace investigator.
