When it comes to buying kids technology-based presents for Christmas, Sean Lyons from Netsafe – an organisation dedicated to online safety – likens these gifts to something they are not: A bike.
“In my day, when there was a bike, and I said ‘I wanted a bike’, my parents were really, really sure what a bike was. They understood pretty much everything that a bike could do.”
That’s not the same for devices, whether that be a smartwatch or phone, a tablet, or a gaming console, says Lyons.
“We might think a PlayStation is a thing where you shove a CD in through a slot in the front and the game comes up, and you grab a controller and play it.
“Now, that would be a pretty good, rational explanation for what a PlayStation is or was in 1998.
“But, in terms of what a PlayStation is now, it’s really far from it.”
Yes, you can play games on a gaming console, but it is also an entry-level step into social media and a portal to the internet.
Parents considering introducing devices or new tech to their kids this Christmas should start researching and planning now, say industry experts and a parenting advocate. This will help avoid unexpected and possibly damaging situations or the uphill slog of walking back freedoms that were joyfully received on Christmas Day.
Here’s what to consider when introducing new devices to your kids:
What does your kid need or want?
Parents often consider new devices such as smart phones or watches at a moment of transition, says Anna McKessar, who recently produced an educational course for the Parenting Place called Digital Parenting: Raising kids in an online world.
This could be a change in school from, say, primary to intermediate. Or it could be a change in transportation from being driven to school to taking the bus or train. Or their school might require them to have a laptop for learning.
“If you’ve got a problem that you’re trying to solve with a device… does it fit what your child needs right now?”
She gave the recent example of her own daughter catching the bus to school and McKessar giving her a phone for when they needed to communicate.
“… does that mean I need to give her access to the whole internet, to my credit card details, to social media? I don’t think she is ready for any of those things.
“So, she’s got a device that’s pared back.”
If it’s for mucking around on apps at home, Lyons says parents might want to consider a tablet rather than a smart phone.
“It’s bigger than a pocket. It’s not something that is easily hidden in a corner, hidden under a bed, hidden under an item of clothing.”
Play a video game yourself
If you haven’t been on a gaming console for a while – or you’ve never been on one – have a play before you buy one for your kid, says Lyons.
“It might mean finding a friend who’s already got one and going and having a dabble yourself, or even walking into a store and asking a friendly retail assistant to set one up for you and give yourself 5 or 10 minutes, or even a little longer…
That way, parents can see what the devices are capable of and the different points where a curious kid might stumble across inappropriate content or have contact with people you don’t know through in-game chats.
When it comes to individual games, parents can look for the rating each game has, similar to what you find on TV shows and movies, says Joy Keene, executive director of the New Zealand Game Developers Association. Heihei is a streaming and gaming platform from NZ On Air and TVNZ that has kid-appropriate TV shows, games and music.
Be involved in your kid’s gaming
While a gaming console might seem like a good babysitter for those long summer holidays, parents should aim to be somewhat involved, says Keene.
“If your child is out there playing basketball or netball, or soccer, most parents are on the sidelines watching, involved and talking to them about their game and seeing how it went and how they felt about it.
“That doesn’t happen in the online space as much…”
That way you can know if what they are playing is appropriate, if their behaviour is appropriate or if other players are treating them appropriately, as you would expect in a sports game.
“We don’t want to hear you yelling and screaming at the screen. We don’t want to hear you abusing people or calling them idiots, which I know happens a lot.”
Decide on your safety settings and parenting controls
There are typically three levels of controls that parents can change to suit what their child needs for a device, says McKessar. They are your internet filters that come through your internet provider, the parental control functions on the device and then settings within each app. For example, if it’s a gaming app, you might disable the in-game chat function where your kid can communicate with other players through the internet.
“Each layer of protection gives you another chance to stop things from failing through the cracks,” McKessar says.
Backtrack if you need to
The easiest way is to set clear boundaries from the beginning. However, parents won’t always get it right, no matter how much research they do, McKessar says.
“I would really encourage parents to just back themselves when they do need to reset. Tech is always changing and life gets busy, and things go off track.
“… you don’t have to feel that the horse has already bolted and there’s nothing you can do.”
What to say if you’re not getting tech presents
If your family is moving at a slower speed than others when it comes to technology, kids can feel left behind, says McKessar.
“When kids feel pressure because their friends are all getting devices, it’s important not to brush off that disappointment — it’s very real for them.
“We encourage parents to be honest about wanting their child’s first experience with tech to be a positive one, and about still working through readiness and safety.
“Framing it as ‘not yet’ keeps the relationship intact while parents stay in the lead.”
rnz.co.nz
