There is no formula for getting back up from rock bottom — but there is a common ingredient: Connection. That’s been vital for reformed criminal turned mental health advocate Jacob Skilling and his best mate, Zac Guildford — the former All Black who publicly battled addiction.
The men are now using connection and other tools to help other men heal, as Seven Sharp’s Rachel Parkin discovers.
The air was cold, and the view pristine. The deep, mouth-breathing coming from the blokes lying on the grass was hypnotic. But this was no Ashtanga yoga session. These were broken men puffing their way back to peace.
“Go there, brothers!” urged Skilling as he hobbled around in a moon boot (an injury he sheepishly confessed to being a failed attempt at senior rugby).
“Get high on your own supply,” said breathwork instructor Steve Brown, to a ripple of chuckles from the ground.
For these “brothers”, laughter was medicine. Far too many years had been wasted searching for artificial highs and outside answers. Answers, they now understood, were within thanks to The Broken Movement.
“The Broken Movement is a collaboration of people who have broken and have healed,” said Skilling, who founded the trust in 2019.
“We wanted to create an organisation that is qualified by experience but has a clinical aspect; understands mental health, understands addiction, understands trauma, understands domestic violence.”
If ever there was a founder “qualified by experience”, it was Skilling.
“I grew up in an abusive homestead, state care, foster care, rehab, prison, institutions, sexual abuse, violence, addiction, suicide, depression — all of the darkest parts, the darkest parts of the ocean that have hit me in my life,” he shared.
“I guess rock bottom has hit me more than once.”
For his best mate and trust operations manager, Guildford, “rock bottom” came publicly thanks to addiction. The former All Black’s rugby hero-to-zero gambling story is well-documented but where he is now – betting on himself and these men — is not so documented.
The Zac Guildford I met was calm and cautiously welcoming.
![Former All Black Zac Guildford is using his life experience to help other men.](https://tvnz-1-news-prod.cdn.arcpublishing.com/resizer/v2/former-all-black-zac-guildford-is-using-his-life-experience-J3NRZKNLFNEIRIHRJ7R5FMIMHY.jpg?auth=080dd5d5bb444643dac1133f3a2b56e994cfc5adefb9d16ca6cc5fc708d98800&quality=70&width=767&height=431&focal=960%2C540)
“How are you these days?” I asked.
“Yeah, I’m good,” he said. “It’s been a journey over the last two years. I guess being accountable, putting the past behind me and looking inward rather than projecting out.
“Yeah, I’m in a good space. [I] get to help these men and also put people through employment, so [I’m] pretty lucky.”
As the group moved through different exercises – an “eye gaze”, a “share circle”, and finally, a group haka — the impact of The Broken Movement was plain to see.
These were big, burly blokes shedding real tears, having real hugs and finding real strength in vulnerability.
Josh Mong was among them — homeless but happy.
“It’s unconditional love,” he explained. “[You] know what it feels like to be loved and not because of what you can do for someone.
“[Skilling] has created this space [where it] doesn’t matter where you’re from or what you’ve done — gang member, ex-gang member, drug user, ex-user.
“This is a welcome place you can trust and trust in men, and that’s been the hardest thing… a lot of our stuff comes from, you know.”
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For minutes on end, Taha Te Ama Martin and his younger brother stood locked in an embrace.
“How do you feel after today’s session?” I asked him later.
“I’m one of the old hands of The Broken Movement but I always get overwhelmed when I see new faces,” Te Ama Martin said, his voice soft and deliberate.
“The biggest one for me is having my little brother here. He’s been to two wānanga with me. This is the start of his journey to better himself, for his whānau.”
![Mental health advocate, Jacob Skilling](https://tvnz-1-news-prod.cdn.arcpublishing.com/resizer/v2/mental-health-advocate-jacob-skilling-EN3AQMJ7CNGDHML3Q66WLY6BBU.jpg?auth=d50e9d4fa5b0817b6c2c2b8a7a6df208de879531db92672ed469ddda1f1c0255&quality=70&width=767&height=431&focal=960%2C540)
Skilling said keeping pastoral care rolling is crucial. Today’s hilltop session was “aftercare” for a two-day wānanga in March. The pointy end of the Trust’s goal is suicide prevention — with far too many Māori men falling victim around New Zealand.
Like so many charities in the current climate, though, it’s strapped for cash. Wānanga are held when funding allows.
“You know we’re a struggling organisation, but we make do,” Skilling said. “If we can’t raise the money to cover the costs, we’ll just come here [to Godley Heads] because there’s work that needs to be done.
There was a saying, he said, that went: “If not you, then who? If not now, then when?
“I’m a father-of-three. I’ve left gangs; I’ve left that whole world of rehab, addiction, violence, and prison behind because that’s not who I was. I wore a mask to protect myself,” Skilling said.
“And now, I’ve shown these men that you can break free, you can break the chains through faith, strength, through consistency.”
For Guildford, the trust and its tools had been a game-changer.
“It allows us to make peace with whānau,” he said. “You know, I let my family down, my Grandad in particular. I rang him yesterday and we have good chats but I still have guilt and shame — and this stuff really helps.
“I guess just to let go and forgive self — that’s a journey. Sometimes, we punish ourselves if we don’t forgive.”
And that, surely, is what it all boils down to. How do the broken heal and grow if they don’t know how?
Te Ama Martin summed it up.
“I always give thanks to Zac and Jacob on a daily because what they’ve placed back in me is hope, and this is what the Broken Movement’s about.”
![Where to get help.](https://tvnz-1-news-prod.cdn.arcpublishing.com/resizer/v2/wtgh-suicide-helplines-depression-youthline-lifeline-LL7L3MB53ZECTHOQWONQENUSDQ.png?auth=fd1d6927529a477733f0520f0a7bd60b4a60f927030f81118c836bb8833c4738&quality=70&width=767&height=431&focal=600%2C165)